Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The Reason For The Season...
is not Jesus. The reason for the season is the rotation of the earth around the sun...it's the reason for all 4 seasons, in fact.
Monday, December 14, 2009
A Random Thing That Pisses Me Off
Couples who celebrate monthly "anniversaries". Hint: "Anniversary" refers to something that occurs yearly. Therefore, Obnoxious Facebook People Who I Some Reason Friended, you cannot have a 3 month "anniversary." So please, please, please shut up.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Hugs Are Just Satan's Arms Around You...
unless of course it's a wholesome "Christian Side Hug." This video is one of the most hilarious/horrifying things I've seen. I wish I could say the performers are being ironic but no, they're utterly sincere about the "sinfullness" of regular hugs (because people's crotches are close together, see).
Oh, yeah, and it's hip-hop. Which totally multiplies the "horrible" factor by 100x....
Oh, yeah, and it's hip-hop. Which totally multiplies the "horrible" factor by 100x....
So This Has Nothing To Do With Anything...
BUT MY BEST FRIEND'S NEW APARTMENT IS RIGHT NEXT TO A MORGUE!!! I can't decide if this is totally cool or really, really creepy; but at the moment I'm leaning towards cool. At least until her cat starts dragging in fingers.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Sterotyping My Fellow Students
...At least the ones who come to the cafe I work at on campus. I would say that out of everyone who eats there, 99.9% of them fit into these various groups:
1. The People Who Can't Order Anything Without At Least 5 Other People There, Too
Seriously, I don't get why eating has to be a group activity, but o.k.
The good: They buy a lot of food, generally speaking.
The bad: They apparently lack the confidence to figure out what to order on their own, and any order must first be run by everyone else. This means they take forever.
2. The Love Birds
Cos nothing shouts "romantic" like fried food that you don't even have to pay real money for, right?
The good: They try not to act like complete assholes because they want to impress their date.
The bad: They're nauseating.
3. The Athletes
In order to stay in shape, it is apparently necessary to consume huge quantities of buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks.
The good: Umm...
The bad: They seem to be in some sort of competition to see who can be the biggest asshole.
4. The "Just-Leaving-To-Go-To-A-Party" People (See also: The People Who Can't Order Anything Without At Least 5 Other People There, Too)
They're all dressed up and about to PARTY, and want to make sure we all know it. If they aren't in a group (very rare), then they're chatting on their cell about the PARTY, that they are GOING TO. In fact, even if they are in a group, they're probably on their cells.
The good: They're in such a rush to get to their PARTY, they don't generally stay very long.
The bad: No matter how long they stay, it's *still* too long.
5. The Stoners
Munchies!
The good: They're just so happy to get food, man. And if you get something wrong, or don't have what they want, it's alright. They're so laid back, and so appreciative to get something to eat, it's awesome.
The bad: Nothing. They buy lots to eat, and they're mellow, to boot.
Then the sub-categories:
1. The People Who Come In At The Last Minute
"Oh, the cafe closes in 10 minutes, I'm sure they'd love to make me some food!"
2. The People Who Refuse To Believe That We Are Actually Out Of Something
Customer:"...and I'd like a smoothie, too."
Me: "I'm sorry, we don't have smoothies anymore."
Customer: "Really? Are you sure?"
Me: "Yep. Haven't had them since last year."
Customer: "Really?"
3. The People Who Incorrectly Believe I Spend All My Spare Time Memorizing Their Orders
Customer: "I'll have what I always get."
Me: "Um, and what is that?"
Customer: "Don't you know?"
Me: "No, now what do you want?"
Customer: "But I always get the same thing!"
Me: "Yes, well, I don't know what is, and there's a line, so how about telling me?"
Customer: "I can't believe you don't know!"
1. The People Who Can't Order Anything Without At Least 5 Other People There, Too
Seriously, I don't get why eating has to be a group activity, but o.k.
The good: They buy a lot of food, generally speaking.
The bad: They apparently lack the confidence to figure out what to order on their own, and any order must first be run by everyone else. This means they take forever.
2. The Love Birds
Cos nothing shouts "romantic" like fried food that you don't even have to pay real money for, right?
The good: They try not to act like complete assholes because they want to impress their date.
The bad: They're nauseating.
3. The Athletes
In order to stay in shape, it is apparently necessary to consume huge quantities of buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks.
The good: Umm...
The bad: They seem to be in some sort of competition to see who can be the biggest asshole.
4. The "Just-Leaving-To-Go-To-A-Party" People (See also: The People Who Can't Order Anything Without At Least 5 Other People There, Too)
They're all dressed up and about to PARTY, and want to make sure we all know it. If they aren't in a group (very rare), then they're chatting on their cell about the PARTY, that they are GOING TO. In fact, even if they are in a group, they're probably on their cells.
The good: They're in such a rush to get to their PARTY, they don't generally stay very long.
The bad: No matter how long they stay, it's *still* too long.
5. The Stoners
Munchies!
The good: They're just so happy to get food, man. And if you get something wrong, or don't have what they want, it's alright. They're so laid back, and so appreciative to get something to eat, it's awesome.
The bad: Nothing. They buy lots to eat, and they're mellow, to boot.
Then the sub-categories:
1. The People Who Come In At The Last Minute
"Oh, the cafe closes in 10 minutes, I'm sure they'd love to make me some food!"
2. The People Who Refuse To Believe That We Are Actually Out Of Something
Customer:"...and I'd like a smoothie, too."
Me: "I'm sorry, we don't have smoothies anymore."
Customer: "Really? Are you sure?"
Me: "Yep. Haven't had them since last year."
Customer: "Really?"
3. The People Who Incorrectly Believe I Spend All My Spare Time Memorizing Their Orders
Customer: "I'll have what I always get."
Me: "Um, and what is that?"
Customer: "Don't you know?"
Me: "No, now what do you want?"
Customer: "But I always get the same thing!"
Me: "Yes, well, I don't know what is, and there's a line, so how about telling me?"
Customer: "I can't believe you don't know!"
Quid Pro Quo
Since they were kind enough to mention me on their blog, I would encourage anyone who actually reads this to go and check out Demon Quarter Brew. They've got singing cannibals!
In other news, I would like to ask, what sort of professor demands a bibliography for a paper where the only source we're supposed to use is the textbook??? (Answer: My literature professor.) Another question: What sort of student asks if we should do a bibliography for the textbook? (Answer: The chick who sits 3 seats over from me in literature class.)
I...I am befuddled.
In other news, I would like to ask, what sort of professor demands a bibliography for a paper where the only source we're supposed to use is the textbook??? (Answer: My literature professor.) Another question: What sort of student asks if we should do a bibliography for the textbook? (Answer: The chick who sits 3 seats over from me in literature class.)
I...I am befuddled.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
If I Still Had A Soul, This Would Have Killed It (Again)
I saw someone with a "Where is John Galt?" bumpersticker on campus today. That just...*headdesk*. *Headdesk,headdesk,headdesk*
On an unrelated note, it continues to disturb me when people order mozzarella stick combos at work: Like fried cheese isn't enough? Do you really need fried potatoes with that? Really?
On an unrelated note, it continues to disturb me when people order mozzarella stick combos at work: Like fried cheese isn't enough? Do you really need fried potatoes with that? Really?
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